`i don't know what i should do,
i don't know what i should tell you.
yes, all i know is to cry all night,
all i know is to think and think and think.
god, i seriously can't see the light.
my Dad just shut off your light that is always going to be there.
he just blinded me from seeing any happy ending with you.
he matters more to me than you, cause, he's my Dad.
and.. if i really had to choose, i'd give u up, i would.
`lord, i am so scared now.
would you set my heart at ease?
would you stop those tears from flowing.
would you keep his heart at ease as well?
i love him lord, i love him. so please, would you listen to my plead?
dear Father i hope things will turn out fine, i hope you would keep that light bright, don't let it get any dimmer, don't. i beg of you.
`i thought i could regain that believe, that light of hope, that confidence in my life, my love.
but i never did.
i'm not as brave as before, i don't dare to face the future.
i don't dare to hope for too much, i don't believe in myself.
i don't know what the future holds..
i feel weak inside, all the energy is drained,
trying to figure what would my Dad say, trying to figure what was the best thing to do.
i thought i could give myself a break,
but it dawned on me that i haven't even tried.
its only been two months, and so many things happened.
sigh. i really really just wonder what more can i take.
i never felt so vulnerable, it feels as though the world is crashing down on me. i can feel my heart wrenching, i can see myself being sad and indecisive, yet i must perservere on, i must, right? i have no other choice do i. i am seen as that strong girl, who always believes and never give up, who'd know that the strongest person has the most vulnerable heart one that pricks with pain and despair.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[10:17 PM]
