Saturday, April 30, 2005
Hold them back..i noe i can..i hafta juz..gt thru it.. concentrate on studies.. tt is what I have to do now..
i think I am thinking too much n becoming irritating.. so.. i have to control myself.. but it seems that now that I have stopped all the assuming.. things aren’t getting any better.. in fact.. i feel weird now that I talk to u..u r like.. a stranger n the phone call.. it ended off so awkwardly.. I dun like us being this way.. this is not the way it should be..
he told me u went home first.. although I knew u won’t wait.. I chose to believe n hope that u had the intention n so, I went to check my phone.. there were no messages no nothing.. I gt so fed up I lent my phone to him.. n even after he returned me the phone.. I switched it off, I didn’t want to keep checking it when I noe the messages, they juz won’t come in.. no matter how hard I wished they would.
she told me..we’re just like how it went btw u n her last time.. u didn’t wanted to message her either..i chose to believe it was cause of the exams.. not that u didn’t wanted to message me, I told her that u did message me.. juz that they dun come in as often, I don’t know, maybe u r sick n tired of havin to message me first.but I prfer it that way cuz I won’t mind messagin with u even if I am studying.. but u would mind messgain if u were studying n so, I rather u message me when u’re free..
nowadaes.. i start to sae that I hafta go study, bcuz.. i dun like the long waits, I dun dare to tell u cuz.. i noe ur reason.. u r watchin tv, u went to bathe, they r exactly like the excuses u gave her.. but it is okae. cuz I believe in u.. i choose to believe that u r bathing n u r merely distracted by the tv..
u tell me u wanna concentrate on ur studies..but it seems that everyday, u wanna watch movie.. movie n studying, they just dun occur to me together.. but.. i believe u.. u need a break.. that movie is a must watch n u wanna accompany ur frens.. i noe.. frens come before me.. so, I believe u n I kept my patience..
n..i juz wanna sae sorrie for the last time we quarreled over u nt replyin properly online..i noe..i had been tinkin too much tt time..i noe..i was irriatatin..looking a back, I realized how contradicting I was, I realized how frustrating it was..so sorrie..i didn’t mean it..hope u dun put it to heart..so for now..i am giving u all the freedom u need.. I believe u..i trust u..i noe u won’t turn me down n u’ll prove that I was right to believe u.. I really hope things can get betta..as for the comfort n bliss I used to receive from u..they r juz obstructed by the exams, they will come back..i believe..
that innocent smile which captivates
`[3:40 AM]
Thursday, April 28, 2005
please.. dun put me in such a position..i choose to believe u..n trust u..tell me that i am right..i dun wan t things to ba that way..please..dun ever let it happen..
that innocent smile which captivates
`[6:10 PM]
Monday, April 25, 2005
i dun wanna be irritating.. dun wanna alwaes ask u y.. n the long waits..they seem like forever..things juz..dun seem to change no matter how much i do..*sigh*
but it's okae now..at least..i get replies n i noe more..juz a little more..i noe i hafta be understanding n accept all that its happening..but..i am juz afraid tat things will end up..like the way it happened btw u n her..she too did not receive ur messages for awhile n everything ended shortly afta tat..i often wonder..am i irritatin? am i botherin u? am i askin too much? it seems that i am..cuz..i juz feel tat..wad is the diff when the waits r still dere in btw?i tink..u dun hav time for me..u hafta relax n rest..i shan't bother ur rests..i shan't.. stand in the way preventing u from relaxing..i dun wanna add on to the stress..
i hafta be strong n pull through the storm..i noe i can make it through the rain..juz like i did..but now..will u still be dere with me? i dun wanna treat u like my 'gdfren' but u may be right..i hafta concentrate..but..it doesn't mean i am not concentrating when i tink of u..when i miss u n ur smiles n ur voice..when i am tryin to tink wad u r tinkin..i believe things would hav been betta if they stayed the same..i wouldn't be..tinkin so much n guessin n assuming so much like i am doing now..
forget it..i doubt u noe how i feel..i noe i am in ur way..i shall juz..step out n brave through this..i juz hafta give up on wad i reallie wanna get across to u..mabbe cuz i hadn't said enough..or mabbe u got it..but nothin has been done..forget it..juz..forget it..
that innocent smile which captivates
`[10:53 PM]
Saturday, April 23, 2005
please..dun doubt me..u noe i cherish u more than her..so stop doubting me..tellin me i look fine with her n all tt..u make me feel..as thou i am so not trustworthy n tt i am going back on my words again..to tell u..she is one gal whom i will never get back together with again..she is juz too..unacceptable..n i hav told u..i'll never ever forgive her..so..stop letting her influence u thru her mind games..be strong gal..n accept urself for who u r..u r important to me..she is unimportant..believe me..alright? i will not go back on my words..things r different now..juz..trust me..the feelin of insecurity is coming back..n i suddenly feel inferior n afraid tt what i had done will be done onto me now..she told her..u r someone who'll like the person whom u can confide in n understand ur thoughts..i gave it a taut n realised tt it was all true..coming clear to me..she had comforted u when u were down with m n i had comforted u throughout n be dere for u..n..u were with her..n now me..so..is what she sae reallie true?i am afraid to lose u..i truely am..lookin at her now..i feel inferior n worried tt she will..juz take u away frm me..even thou u had promised.. somehow i knew promises could be broken..mabbe cuz i had seen them being broken..i am afraid tt they r nt dere to be true..but somedae..to make me juz..devastated when i noe they had been broken..i noe it is cuz of the exams tt we're gettin distant..but somehow..it juz feels different..i could still feel ur love den..but now..why r they so..vague? the messages r coming in later n later..n tt dae..u told me ur bill was bombing..i hadn't messaged u much..y? u quickly said it was cuz u had been sendin ppl lotsa messages..who were they?issit her again..i dunnoe if it is me n my assumptons again..but..it juz seems that i am too insecure n tt i can't trust u..although i hav forced myself to do so time n again..i'm sorrie for being unable to juz..trust u..but i'm sure u r true to me..u r..rite? i noe everything is juz blocked by the vast amount of work n stress..n..mabbe cuz i seldom noe wad u r doin nowadaes..i noe i shouldn't restrict u frm messagein..u hav every right to do so..never mind about wad i said..u can do wad u want..i noe freinds come first..i can tolerate tt..but i juz need tt lil more attention? i wanna see the rainbow..even in the dark..
that innocent smile which captivates
`[12:18 AM]
