Sunday, August 28, 2005
i took so many steps back,
now that i am going to fall off the cliff,
no one,
no one at all,
is gonna catch me.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[2:37 AM]
my heart sank right to the bottom,
even the lifeguard can't save me,
as i dived into the waters of silence,
i couldn't make out my tears and the waters,
i once again feel suppressed,
but cause of something else this time round.
i hate it.
i don't like to feel this way.
everything is just my fault isn't it?
i wished i didn't lived,
i wished i couldn't hear,
nor could i speak.
i shall just keep everything within,
and not pen them down,
i don't need nobody to care,
no one bothers.
as a teardrop fell, hurting inside.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[2:01 AM]
Sunday, August 21, 2005
you're the reason i believe in love,
you're the answer to my prayers from top above,
i will love you for as long as i live,
from this moment on..
you're the reason i questioned love,
you're the...
sigh.
i won't bring myself to believe you're someone like that.
i know you treat me well,
i know you treat me fine,
i know you'll always be there,
wherever i am.
i hope
angels up above,
can you hear me?
my wishes,
is it my turn for them to come true now?
i've seen enough,
i've waited enough,
i'm breaking away.
come,
quick.
here i stand alone with this weight upon my heart,
and it will not go away
in my head i keep on looking back,
wondering what it was that made you change,
well i tried but i had to draw the line
and still this question keeps on spinning in my mind
wad if i had never let u go?
would u be the man i used to know,
if i stayed, if you tried, if we could only turn back time,
but i guess we'll never know.
many route to take, some to joy some to heartache,
anyone can lose their way.
if i said that we could turn it back,
right back to the time,
would you take the chance and make things change?
do you think how it would have been sometimes?
do you pray that i've never left your side?
if only we could turn the hands of time,
if i could take you back,
would you still be mine?
what if i had never let u go, would you be the man i used to know,
what if i had never walkd away,
cause i still love you more than i can say.
but i guess,
i'll never know.
as tears come to my eyes...
that innocent smile which captivates
`[10:35 PM]
Friday, August 19, 2005
i'm sorry.
maybe i did said something wrong,
maybe it is cause of me,
i won't make a sound,
i won't go any closer.
i won't rob you of your happiness,
i will back away.
i will leave the best for you.
should i keep trying?
or should i just leave this world of mine?
the world seems to be so distant,
yet sometimes,
he's so close.
i am confused.
i can't make things out.
all that i know is,
i can't bear to cut off from you,
i don't want to,
i'd rather stay here,
even if my heart have to be stabbed a thousand more times,
i am willing to stay,
to just feel your slight presence.
i'm staying.
no matter what i have to go through.
i love you.
just as always.
i am still wishing.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[11:26 PM]
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
i am glad and contented to hear.
but there's still something obscuring you.
i'm not sure if its you,
or me.
drifting; diminishing.
everything in my life now,
friendship, my love.
you're always with your prince,
i know i must understand,
but the gap,
it is clearly widening.
sigh,
i guess nothing can be done.
as for you; my dearest you.
i know,
i won't get over you,
neither will my love fade,
it keeps me going,
it makes me feel whole,
but i'm not sure if all this is requited,
i guess it isn't.
but i'm fine with it,
as long as i can feel your heart beating with mine.
at least i believe.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[10:16 PM]
Thursday, August 11, 2005
i am so full of envy.
but i guess,
all that can never be happening to me.
it hasn't been easy to get over you a little,
or at least,
deceive myself till i almost believed i did it,
but now,
everything is coming back,
i don't want to be so affected,
i feel so stupid,
you're not even half as troubled as me,
that's what i see.
i must refrain from being so irritating,
why am i just so stubborn to give up?
sigh,
i want to leave but my heart doesn't.
i loved you with all i had,
till now.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[11:13 PM]
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
reaching out to you,
all i grasp is the still, stale air.
i don't get you,
i don't understand you,
i don't,
know what your heart says.
but i know,
you won't tell me,
no matter how hard i wish you would,
my secret wishes won't ever come true,
they're just,
broken dreams, self-deceive.
wishes are suppose to come true,
as long as i believed,
but i have believed,
for so long so long,
why aren't they coming true?
why are they shattered time n again?
that innocent smile which captivates
`[1:10 AM]
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
would you still be there for me when i am feeling down?
would you still comfort me?
would you still, send me messages telling me about forever friends,
how much you treasure me, how much i matter, would you?
what about those sweet things you did?
will i still be the first one that comes to your mind?
or has she taken over that place?
all that i remember.
the letter that magically appeared in the pages of that book,
that made me felt tingles in my heart while reading.
the times when you were on such good terms with her,
so close that i thought i felt jealousy running through me.
the times when you started blogging about this girl,
whom i was so curious to know,
someone whom seem so perfect to you,
until i proved you wrong,
until the flaws in me appeared.
the day on the bus when i asked if you could lend me your shoulder.
valentine's day, the roses, the necklace.
my birthday, the earrings, the broken promise.
the promises we had.
the times when i hated everyday,
just because i know i have to wait for your messages,
knowing that they won't come any sooner.
the times when it dawned on me how much i loved you,
how much i could do for you,
how much you mattered,
how nice, how sweet, how caring and how understanding you were.
simply charming,
up till now.
where have all that gone to?
they are right here,
in my mind,
my thoughts when i drift away,
my sweet memories which embraces me when i am down,
that is all i have left of you,
glimpses, even they are gone.
the break-up shrugs you of the responsibility.
to care about me just that little more.
i yearn for that care, really.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[1:40 AM]
would your life be incomplete without love?
no, but it would be without your love.
do you believe that there is only one true love in your life?
yes, that is why i am missing you so badly,
hoping that you would come back someday,
because i believe you are the one.
sorry.
there's so much that i want to say,
but i don't want you to..
feel guilty.
love out of guilt,
i rather not want it.
contradiction.
it engulfs me.
i don't know what to think,
i don't know what wll happen next,
i don't know,
how do i react.
i still love you,
i've been thinking about you all day.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[12:47 AM]
Saturday, August 06, 2005
i want to leave,
i'll leave now,
as quiet as i can,
not making any sound,
not disturbing you,
not wating to let u know..
i just know i don't matter as much,
i just know that she has taken over the place i used to be in your heart,
don't,
just don't deny that you like her..
but why did u tell me u'll keep,
loving me,
why make me believe in something that will soon be gone?
why can't i just let go?
why must i just believe so much?
i feel horrible,
my heart is wrenching with pain,
i want so much to forget,
but i just can't,
i can't.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[12:38 AM]
Friday, August 05, 2005
i could have stayed and kept calm,
or i could just leave quietly..
it suddenly dawned on me that all along,
i was the one holding on,
never failing to tell you how much i love you,
how much i want you back,
how much i miss you..
maybe she's right,
by staying right where i was,
not moving on at all,
i can then be embraced in all the sweet times we've shared,
only when i'm ready to let go,
i would put all these behind,
for now,
just let me hold on to them.
i don't know,
on one side i want you back so badly,
but on the other,
i'm so afraid to love you again,
sigh i love you so much and yet i don't dare to try.
hmm i guess i will stay here,
and myabe someday,
i would leave quietly,
i promise i won't make a sound,
i promise it won't disturb you.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[12:32 AM]
