`hey, i'm really sorry if i'm bothering you.
yes, it might seem weird now that i start to message you again.
i don't know but if you're wondering what i am up to,
i'm really just trying to.. be there when you need me?
i don't know if you're telling anyone of your problems,
i don't know if you're doing really fine.
because now i no longer know how you're feeling deep down,
we've drifted apart,
and i can no longer look through you and know you're sad and troubled.
=) i know you like her,
and so,
yes, i'm stepping out.
i mean, it's enough, i've caused enough trouble.
all this while, i tried asking others about you,
like how you're doing and all..
and i just got the feeling that you don't really have anyone to pour your troubles to.
i know, mag's there,
but what about the problems you have with her?
i..i'm.
okae, just..
tell me if you're really fine and well,
don't hide it from me.
i really care and i'm worried.

`don't worry, i'm doing quite well now.
And actually i did not think too much into why you msg me.
But i'm actually glad you did.
We are still good frens.
I'll tell you my problems if i'm vexed,
and i'm sure that you will help me with it.
People hav all sorts of problems and not all of them need a solution.
i'm jus trying to say that,
i dun think my problems need any solution.
i somehow just want it to stay the way it is.
i hope you are doing fine too?
Do take good care of yourself,
do turn to me if you hav any problems too Kkz?
Maybe we'll hav a game of pool again some other time. =)
Gd nite! Take care

`so that was it.
i replied, but i forgot what i replied.
all i remember was i said.
'you get to be with the one you love everyday, of course you're fine.'
and i felt so bad after sending the message.
you merely just wanted to feel happy.
sigh, yes.
so what if i'm jealous?
it won't ever matter again.
you won't come back, i know.

`looks like my wishes won't ever come true,
hmm, it has been so long.
its time i really let go.
its for real this time.
i think i'll just accept you as a friend.
at least you'll start to care about me.
but letting go doesn't mean stop loving you.
letting go just means not trying anymore.
i said i'll wait for as long as it takes,
right from the day we parted.
i've said it,
and i know i'll do it.

`besty,
i hope being frank was the right thing to do.
you said you want to be mature,
so, being mature means you understanding how i feel,
and why i said those words.
i really really hope you'll understand,
i don't want you to have the wrong connotation.

`sigh, its never gonna end if we just keep thinking our own way.
it's alright, give me some time,
by the time,
i'll be that same old besty again.
that nicey, patient, sweet besty.

`have a nice anniversary,
don't set down a foot note of who's the one suffering,
just set out on a smooth sailing r/s with him.
don't dwell on the fact that he's changed.
i'm sure the love's strong enough for you to accomodate him.
no one's asking you to change,
stay the way you are.
just have a big heart,
one that contains a great deal of love and blessings. =]

`i envy you. alot.
so now that i don't get to celebrate anniversaries,
make your celebration double!
so that you'll fulfil my part for me.
and as long as you're happy,
i'm sure i would be too.

`just hope i'd not fall back again.
just hope i can tide through this.
just hope everything will be fine without me trying too hard.
just hope there won't be anymore disappointments.
just hope there won't ever be any heart-breaking moments.
god, help me with this okae?

that innocent smile which captivates
`[2:16 AM]