`so glad i have a blog.
i haven't been talking alot lately,
i don't know,
just tired of speaking up somehow.
`frankly,
i am starting to dislike explaining things,
i dislike having to tell people how i feel,
and then explain why am i feeling this way,
i don't know the answer to my mood,
my expressions, my silence.
so don't ask me what's wrong.
something's just wrong,
but i can't point it out either.
`i feel so lost.
i'm waiting,
but not sure for what.
i'm hoping for something,
but i'm not sure of what is it that i want too.
`i'm getting so tired,
so tired of trying to be happy daily.
i'm putting off the facade.
i think, i'll just be myself.
but yes, i don't owe anyone any explainations.
so i don't have to tell anyone how i feel.
`hearing every news of you hurts me,
worries me,
leaves me thinking so much.
but i don't want to be oblivious to them either.
at least i know somethings about you.
it doesn't matter if they hurt me or not,
as long as i hear about you,
i'm contented deep down.
`every entry spells contradiction,
for awhile i am happy,
the next while i'm sad.
for awhile i'm strong,
the next while i call out for help.
for awhile i told myself to give up,
the next while i feel my heart aching so much while trying to stop loving you.
`sigh.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[2:47 AM]
