`i can't accept this love of yours,
i won't know how to make you happy,
my love will only make you feel trapped,
i don't know but,
i just think this rekindled love,
or rather the love that you never once let go,
it'll fade away,
i'm almost sure i didn't make such a deep impression.
but i'm glad,
in fact i'm all tingly to know that you still love me,
a long time ago,
i had already taken that you no longer love me,
and that you'd never care about me as much as before,
maybe as friends you will,
but i know,
caring for me just as a friend,
it'll never be enough.
but my dear,
i've decided to give up on this love because,
i know that we'll not share good times together,
say i'm selfish,
say i'm only thinking for myself,
but all i know is that there wil just be endless problems.
i'm not even sure if i'm able to be like before,
to be so full of hopes each time,
to just believe in everything so much,
my hopes were never fulfilled,
and my beliefs were shattered time and again,
the hopes i had,
the more disappointment i got,
so i know the very next time we get together,
i won't be hoping so much,
i know i'll find it so hard to believe again.
`if someone were to ask me,
how many good and sweet times did u had with him?
i'll be stumped,
i wouldn't know how to answer.
all that i remember is all along in the relationship,
i was finding faults with you,
i was always unhappy,
but to love you lift me up to the skies,
it was a bittersweet experience,
i was so glad i was able to love you,
but each time,
i feel so down just because i don't feel the love from you.
`sigh,
i read and read her blog,
there were so many sweet memories you two shared,
there were far more instances where the love was shown,
expressed and requitted,
it was both ways.
it was so difficult to keep on reading without,
breaking down into tears,
to know that when you were with her,
you guys were so happy,
there were so many sweet memories for her to remember,
and everyone said that you two were compatible.
you did so many sweet little things,
which set her heart fluttering,
you were always bringing her surprises,
those times when you were her boyfriend,
and me being the best friend of the both of you,
i'm too aware of all these.
i was jealous,
yes i was,
but i never thought all those things would happen to me,
not even till now,
and they never did.
`she still likes you,
maybe if not for me,
you two would have turned out exactly fine,
fine,
even if it isn't her you want to be with,
i'm not the one either,
i know you too well,
i'm not the type of girl you would want,
i'm just too conscious of my own feelings,
i've not spared a thought for you,
i've not considered the fact that you'd be unhappy,
i just thought everything would turn out fine as long as i tell you the problems and we solve it together.
but now,
i know just the type of girl you need,
she has to be understanding,
she has to find less faults in you,
she has to,
i don't know,
do the things which i can't,
even though i don't know what more can be done.
`so yes,
i'm giving this up,
i know,
i keep saying this,
and i know myself all too well,
i know it's going to be so difficult,
i would be so reluctant,
but no,
i have to,
just to have you forget about me.
`how dumb it seems,
when you've finally said you love me still,
i'm the one pushing you away,
you'll think i'm being so unfair,
but so be it,
because i know a long time from now,
you would be happily enjoying the blissfulness of your brand new relationship.
with the girl not being me.
sigh.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[11:43 PM]
