`hmm yes, the exams are finally over.
i am so very glad i get to day-dream again,
i get to just sit there and think of you for as long as i want again.
i get to go to the reservoir and just stare at the calm waters till i know you're home, watching the same waters as i am.
i miss thinking of you.
i miss those beautiful moments i imagined.
i miss having that feeling that i suddenly want to tell you i still love you so much.
`i've been using the exams to keep all my feelings inside,
using it to just force thoughts of you out of my mind,
using it to stop feeling sad,
using it to stop my mind from drifting away.
now that its all over,
i'm suddenly stranded.
i'm trapped in this world,
thinking of you all the time.
`the chalet,
it was sweet.
i could still remember touching your back while i was asleep.
i could remember how you told him to stop playing just so that i can get to sleep.
i could still remember the feeling of you being so close.
i could remember the way you fondled with my fingers when you woke up.
i love that smile of yours darl,
i love the way you just, make me feel loved.
`sarah said you came after me when i left for a walk with him,
did you really come for me?
or was it just a coincidence that you wanted to find a place to sleep?
how i wished i mattered so much.
how i wished you really did come, just because you don't want me to be taken away.
`you came to lay down behind me,
while i was helping him with his problems,
by the pool side,
under that vast grey sky,
with the moon hiding behind the clouds, peeping at us,
with those stars so bright, all hidden,
with you by my side,
i felt blessed. =]
but you left so soon,
after you sneezed and i said you were spoiling the atmosphere,
it was just a joke,
if i had known you would go away,
i wouldn't have said those words,
i'm sorry.
please stay..`i am all puzzled again,
i love the sweet moments,
but what will happen if we got together again?
will there be so many problems that i have to leave before we even enjoy sweet moments like this?
will you be avoiding me again?
what if we breakup again?
i know i wouldn't be able to take it.
i know i would break down.
i know i would cry so hard that i become all weak inside,
i know i would not be able to go through all these all over again.
`so what do i do now?
take the first step?
what if your reply is that it's impossible between us?
will i be able to take it?
what if,
there is really no place for me in your heart?
did i even leave a mark in the first place?
if only, someone could answer me.
if only you would just take my hand and tell me you love me once again.
`i wonder how many times have i said that i want to give you up,
but each and every time,
the next entry spells thoughts of you,
when will i ever get use to not loving you?
when will i ever ever forget you?
i don't want to out you away,
i want you to stay in my memories,
i'm afraid someday i wouldn't be able to find these feelings anymore.
`my darl,
sigh,
i'm still thinking of you,
that very you who loved me.
`i know i can't be that far from you, if we're both lookin on the same side of the moon.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[2:29 AM]
