as i reminsce the past,
i can still remember,
the way i was madly in love with you,
the way i had tried so hard,
the way i was beaten and battered time n again,
the way i struggled to grasp you,
to catch hold of you,
to keep you,
only to lose you.
i believed you.
right from the beginning when you said i was the one,
all the way till now.
so the moment when you told me to stop loving you,
i knew you really wanted me to,
that you were ready to not have me in your life,
that you no longer love me.
ever since that day you said those words,
i’ve been trying,
really hard.
i made use of the exams to suppress everything,
to keep myself from thinking of you,
to keep the sadness,
to lock the love way back inside.
in between,
on the bus rides home,
when I walk home from the interchange,
when I bathe,
when I’m lying on my bed,
in between my revision,
i still feel for your hand,
your touch,
your love,
in my thoughts.
but now that everything is over,
and before the next round of exams start,
i have nothing to help me,
i can’t get to sleep,
not tonight, neither last night.
today, I was thinking,
if mag was the one holding on,
you wouldn’t have asked her to give up,
ben asked me why I thought so,
and I replied,
from the way you still like her while you were with M,
from the way u told me u still think of her,
i know you believe she’s the one for you,
the one you want.
since that day,
you messaged me twice,
i didn’t reply.
maybe,
i wanted to test you out,
to see how much I mean to you,
to know how much you’re willing to do,
to know how long you’re going to persevere,
to feel myself being cherished by you.
i ignored the tingles in my heart,
i didn’t want to be reminded of you,
i kept thinking of the promise.
sorry my dearest,
you know I want to reply, deep down inside.
face it.
deep down,
i still love you.
and I miss you badly,
it’s hard when you know you’re loving someone you can’t love,
it’s most difficult to look at others enjoy that bliss you know you can never get.
it’s the worst when you know it is no use no matter how hard you try.
i know.
that innocent smile which captivates
`[3:42 AM]
